


Vanilla

by mitspeiler, polyfandrous



Series: Polymit's February Writeoff! [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: ADVENTURE!, Contest, F/M, Kinks, Time Travel, Whips, and yet not those kind of whips and kinks, crack ship, the mooooooooon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 01:06:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3310169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitspeiler/pseuds/mitspeiler, https://archiveofourown.org/users/polyfandrous/pseuds/polyfandrous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is one of the first installments in a writing contest that mitspeiler and I are doing this month! Each week we will each be writing one short story, a minimum of 3000 words. Only two entries each (so four altogether) will be posted here, as only two weeks of the competition are fanworks. The last two weeks will be original works, likely posted to mitspeiler's Fictionpress account. We'll have details hammered out before then. We came up with topics for each week from suggestions from friends, or friends' choices on suggestions we each made. The topic for each week will be listed at the beginning of each story, and we won't be saying who wrote each story until the next story is posted. Part of this competition is me attempting to ride on mitspeiler's fanbase, as we want to see who gets the most comments. This week's topic is a fanwork that features an intergalactic ice cream shop and at least one time traveling character from the Middle Ages. Let us know what you think!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vanilla

**Author's Note:**

> This week's topic is a fanwork that features an intergalactic ice cream shop and at least one time traveling character from the Middle Ages. Let us know what you think!

Aradia was bored. Insanely bored. Ludicrously bored. Really, she was about as bored as bored can be. Who even opens an ice cream shop on a celestial object with no atmosphere? Sure, the enclosed city on, “The Moon,” as the humans called it contained a breathable atmosphere and was heated and all that, but the fact that the city was surrounded by a nearly invisible energy barrier gave people the impression of coldness. Nobody wants to buy ice cream when they’re staring into the black abyss of space, speckled with frozen points of light. It was a way to earn her stay there, sure, but she wished she’d tried for something else. She’d wanted to work at the Lunar Museum, but hadn’t passed the entire application process. Perhaps she should have accepted the offer at McDonald’s – she hadn’t wanted to feel greasy all the time, but at least the interstellar fast food restaurant always attracted customers.

Aradia had actually zoned out so much that she didn’t notice the disturbance in the street until it was literally at her ice cream stand shouting – were those obscenities? She hadn’t particularly cared for writings of Earth’s history, be they fictional or not (unless, of course, they were about the Earth hero Indiana Jones), but she was pretty sure that, “Forgive me, sweet lady, for I have inadvertently led these foul creatures to your doorstep!” was archaic for humans. She blinked twice before noticing an oddly dressed man waving some strange contraption at a pair of security drones. They didn’t have their sirens on yet, so they were obviously still looking for a peaceful solution, and this case might not even lead to an arrest. Another blink cleared the idle fog from her mind, revealing the high probability that this man was the result of one of Doc Scratch’s time travel experiments. Some people might have been irritated, but at this point in her day this was a highlight. And then their eyes met, and his widened.

“By Jove, you are no lady at all, but some unholy child of Lucifer!” the man cried, pointing what she had just discerned was a loaded crossbow at her. Yep, definitely a victim of Doc Scratch; time to diffuse the situation. Aradia snatched something off her belt, and in a flick of her wrist had knocked the crossbow to the ground, leaving the time traveler empty-handed against a pair of drones and her whip.

“It’s okay, security, I’ll take care of this one for the Doc,” she assured them, grinning widely; the troll’s subject paled visibly. Finally, her day was getting good. She sauntered up to the shivering man, whip still in hand, and placed her arm on his back, guiding him to a seat behind her stand. “Here, try this,” Aradia said, offering him a bowl of ice cream. Just plain vanilla – no need to overwhelm him too much.

His expression transformed from terror to wonder in one spoonful. “What – what is this wondrous dish? Are you of the fey? Wait – am I doomed to walk amongst you forever, _never returning to mine own people!?”_

In response, the troll girl snorted behind her hand. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it’s just ice cream. And that’s not even the heavy duty stuff, it doesn’t get any plainer than that.” Her mouth quirked up slightly as she asked, “What’s your name? I’m Aradia Megido.”

“Jakob Engel, my lady,” the dark-haired man answered, the ice cream seeming to have cooled his fear, “adventurer and cartographer for the King.” He even took the time to stand up and bow with a little flourish. Cute.

“Adventurer, huh?” Aradia inquired, baring her fangs in an excited grin. To his credit, Jakob didn’t flinch at the sight, merely nodding his agreement. “Well guess what, Jake? You’re currently on the greatest adventure anyone in your era has ever embarked on, and you get to share it with me!” Her whole appearance seemed to ooze enthusiasm for this adventure, and it wasn’t in the least feigned; anyone babysitting one of Doc Scratch’s experiments was automatically excused from work. There wasn’t enough room in the penitentiary to be housing people plucked out of their timelines, and giving them a tour of the Moon tended to end more amicably than holding them hostage until Time sorted itself out again.

“It certainly seems as such,” Jake agreed. “First I was beset by those animated suits of armour, and now I find myself fraternizing with a succubus-“

“Hey!” the ‘succubus’ interjected, brows furrowed at the insult, however time-appropriate it may have been. “I’m a troll from Alternia, not some hussy from your antiquated religious text!”

“A troll? Never knew I of a troll with such fair, alluring features,” he replied, colouring slightly and coughing as he realized what he’d just said. “I – I mean only to say that, in my lands, trolls are spoken of as horrific, ugly beasts.”

Aradia was not at all above accepting compliments, no matter where they came from. As she twirled some of her luscious hair around a finger, she informed Jake that, “Earth people have some strange myths and their historic idea of trolls is dead wrong.” _But at least the man knows how to flatter_ , she thought to herself, trying to be subtle about eyeing him up and down.  He had a lean, lithe build, and a proportionately strong jaw. His dark hair complemented his pale complexion beautifully, especially set with those vibrant green eyes. Jake’s attire was clearly medieval, though, consisting of a tunic, leggings, leather overcoat, and a wide belt with pouches along the front half of it. The knee-high boots were actually kind of chic, but the rest had to go if they were going to blend in enough to have any real fun. Aradia was overdue for a shopping trip, and besides, she could just bill all of the expenses to Doc Scratch’s lab.

“C’mon, let’s get you out of those ratty clothes,” she said, rising with a toss of her thick hair and beckoning for him to follow her.

“E – excuse me, my lady, but this is hardly the place, nor have we even become properly acquainted-“

“Keep dreaming, Jake – we’re getting you some clothes so you can blend in with the current fashions. You stand out like a sore thumb.” A quick scan of passersby revealed that they were, in fact, staring as they continued on their way. He acquiesced without further complaint, avoiding her gaze in the hopes that she wouldn’t see the blush on his face.

\---

Shopping had _definitely_ been an adventure. Current fashion trends had very different fastening mechanisms than Jake was used to. Aradia, of course, was also shopping and trying on new outfits, and she found herself frequently interrupted midway through an outfit by pleas for help with one garment or another. In order to repel questioning eyes, she loudly informed the nearest attendant that, “her brother had always required special help,” and nobody seemed to mind Jake’s protests that they were completely unrelated. And before you ask, yes, interspecies adoption is definitely a thing.

Fortunately, Jake was not nearly as ‘special’ as the troll had explicitly stated, and caught on to the zippers and buttons with very little help. Though Jake had been embarrassed to have a lady helping him dress, he’d fortunately been mostly clothed in each instance he’d required assistance. At that point, he just kept going through each outfit Aradia provided for him, giving her some time to try on a few things as well.

When she was satisfied with her (rather large) armful of garments, she asked, “are you about ready to go?”

“Yes, I do think these will do splendidly. What say you?” the out of place traveler asked in reply, stepping out of the changing room for Aradia’s opinion. Her opinion was not forthcoming, however, being delayed by the rusty flush heating her neck and face, and her eyes glued to – yes, you guessed it, Jake’s chest (and if you were thinking of anything else you are a pervert and should feel ashamed). She might have looked up at his face once or twice before finally responding, and those glances might have been painfully obvious to anyone in the room, even a gentleman adventurer like Jake. Fortunately, Jake was, in fact, a gentleman, so in this theoretical circumstance he would never dare to call Aradia out on something so embarrassing, just perhaps flush a bit himself and try to ignore it.

“Looks great,” Aradia finally said, blinking and collecting herself. The black t-shirt contrasted against his pale skin nicely, and the green button down, unbuttoned to reveal said shirt, matched his eyes to within a few shades. She was surprised he’d decided upon khaki shorts – his former attire had been highly conservative. Not that she was complaining about the view of his muscled calves – and not that she noticed that or anything!

Aradia spent the rest of the afternoon showing him around the city. Jake couldn’t stop staring at everything, occasionally jotting notes in a notebook he carried with him. In fact he hardly spoke, just took it all in. After a few hours they reached a park near the edge of the barrier.

“Finally! I can never remember how to get here,” she muttered under her breath.

“No? I had just assumed you were taking a circuitous route to better show me the sights of this fascinating, alien place,” Jake replied, smiling jovially. While he had only issued three challenges to duel, this had still been a grand adventure thus far. He’d never seen architecture or landforms like this anywhere he’d traveled before, and he couldn’t wait to chart the area further. “If you like, I could tutor you in the art of navigation – it is futile to be a cartographer without knowing one’s cardinal directions at all times,” and without waiting for her answer he pointed up at the strangely illuminated night sky. Though it seemed to be daylight in the park, the sky was an inky black, dotted with bright incandescences. It was breathtaking, although the constellations seemed to be off, somehow. And what was that glorious blue and green sphere? Jake sat down abruptly, absorbing the vast emptiness of space, trying to work it into his own worldview. Aradia let him for a while – it wasn’t unusual for a first-timer to the Moon to be blown away by the sight of the Void and its celestial contents, and anyways, she loved looking at it.

After she’d lost track of time, and Jake still hadn’t piped up, the troll girl decided to break the silence. “So you really didn’t notice the night sky in a city lit by daylight?”

Jake didn’t even get offended, or perhaps taking offense simply wasn’t in his nature. “I never thought to look up when there were so many fantastic sights to behold at eye level,” he said quietly, still staring beyond the park. The contrast of lush greenery to a greyscale of nothingness speckled with light was a lot to comprehend for people in the current time, let alone someone who wasn’t aware that it was possible to venture from planet to planet.

It took a long time to explain that they were on the Moon, and that the sapphire and emerald sphere in the sky was Earth. Jake had been coming to that conclusion, though he still found it difficult to accept. Aradia found herself explaining what she knew of Earth’s history so far as space travel was concerned, and even some of the physics of space travel. Jake listened intently, still mostly staring into space, but occasionally glancing over to look into her deep red eyes as she spoke. He never spoke a word until she’d finished, and only then to inform her that he couldn’t fathom a single thing she’d said.

“You did not jest in the least, Lady Aradia.”

“Just Aradia, please. And what do you mean?”

“Aradia, then. When first I found myself at your – what did you call it, an ice cream stand? What a heavenly dish… At any rate, you said you would be accompanying me on the greatest adventure anyone had ever embarked upon.” Jakes features still looked awestruck, but a glimmer of excitement had returned to his eyes. He shot to his feet, grabbing her by the hand and faced her, about to make an impassioned proposal to Aradia that they might travel the Moon together, and any other celestial body they could reach, but the audible rumble of his stomach halted his thoughts entirely. The noticeable shift of his expression from excitement to confusion caused Aradia to giggle, and this lead Jake to the realization that he was holding her hands and staring deep into her eyes. The human promptly dropped the troll’s hands and his gaze, flushing pinkly up to his ears. The gears began grinding before Aradia had a chance to speak, and Jake decided upon a different proposal first: “Would you care to accompany me to a meal?”

Taking his hand in her own again, red eyes trained on green, an inscrutable expression on her face, Aradia nodded. They headed out of the park in no particular direction, hands clasped, Aradia simply hoping they would happen upon one of her favourite restaurants.

\---

From what Aradia could see, the hustle and bustle and general chaos of Paradox Space appealed to Jake deeply. Although she supposed it made sense that an adventurer would appreciate disorder, but that conflicted with his secondary role as a cartographer. It wasn’t worth thinking too deeply on. Really, she was just procrastinating. Jake had been going on throughout the whole meal, between expressions of love or disgust for each of the foreign dishes he tried, about charting the Moon and other planets. Now that his eyes had been opened, at least somewhat, to how much more there was to explore, he wanted to see it all. But what he didn’t know was that he’d be leaving soon. Doc Scratch’s experimental travelers inevitably returned to their correct timelines within about 24 hours of arriving on the Moon. It was a kink he was still trying to work out, to be sure, but nobody was aware if he had yet or not. The troll nodded absently as Jake described some of their potential adventures, gesticulating wildly with his eating utensils yet not flinging food all over their booth. That was true talent if she’d ever seen any, and that wasn’t even scratching the surface of this charismatic adventurer.

Remarkably, Jake eventually noticed the change in Aradia’s demeanour. He’d been rightfully described as oblivious to the feelings of those around him as a lad, but his work and travels had allowed him to meet many people, and forced him to work on his social skills. Being able to read the body language of the foreigners he had met on his travels that he did not share a common language with had meant the difference between life and death on more than one occasion.

“What plagues you, Aradia?” he inquired.

The troll held his gaze for a few moments, not speaking, before finally steeling her resolve and dropping her gaze. “That all sounds great, Jake, really. I’d love to come with you – I’ve seen all I care to see of this Moon. But there’s something I haven’t told you yet.”

Her voice was flat, and that lack of tone and depth sent alarm bells ringing in Jake’s mind. Aradia hadn’t spoken in this manner since he’d met her. “Well, by all means, inform me! There is so much yet to learn, I would be a fool not to begin now.”

Aradia heaved a sigh and caught his gaze again, “You know how I told you about Doc Scratch, about his experiments with the fabric of Time have caused many travelers like you from all over Time and Space to come here? Well, what he hasn’t worked out is how to keep them here. They all return, presumably, to their respective timelines 24 hours after their arrival.”

The silence between the couple seemed to drown out the cacophony of Paradox Space. What had been a day filled with hope and excitement for the future had come crashing down around them by the enigmatic workings of time. Though Aradia had seen this coming, she hadn’t imagined how attached she could become in one day to a complete stranger. And the mystery of him made him that much more appealing to her. She wanted to explore other worlds as she explored him, but of course she never could. Stupid, really, to want something she knew she could never have.

Jake was the first to break the silence. “Well, if we only have the rest of this night, there is no other I would rather spend it with than you.”

Aradia’s eyes gleamed wetly at his response. “We could go back to my place – it’s not much, but there is a balcony. We could watch the stars,” she said quietly, controlling her voice to avoid it breaking. She didn’t want to spend the remaining time they had together bawling like a wriggler.

“That would be splendid,” Jake assured her, smiling softly, taking her hand, and rising just as the waiter came with their bill. “Oh please, allow me,” he said, searching at his waist for the pouch that was no longer there.

Aradia laughed softly, her mood brightened considerably. “It’s not terribly gentlemanly to offer to pay when you know you can’t, Jake!” she teased, fishing the currency out of her pocket and handing it to the waiter. They left arm in arm, chuckling over the absurdity of Jake’s attempt at chivalry. After a short time they arrived at Aradia’s apartment, and set themselves up in chairs on the balcony, blanketed and as close together as they could be. They chatted for a while, about the stars, and nothing, and everything, Jake’s arm eventually encircling Aradia’s shoulders. After some hours, Aradia fell asleep with her head on Jake’s shoulder, and Jake carefully maneuvered his head between her horns to rest his cheek against her curls. It didn’t take him long to drift off, either, under the stars and with the warmth of the most interesting woman he’d ever met against him. Some hours later, the artificial light of the lunar city dawned on a lone troll girl, wrapped in blankets and draped over two chairs.


End file.
